Let Me Out!

Martin Creasey

I’ve been nervous lately. My writing seems stale. So many writers have personality drenched blogs and I wonder how to break the cage I’ve built around my own creative self. It seems like something that must be done from the outside. The tiny screeching beastie flying around inside can’t seem to get out on her own. I’ve been trying to free her by indulging in the things that made her happy, back in the days when she was free. I’ve been listening to music more, looking at more artwork, taking pictures, singing, writing. Every now and then, we can hold hands through the bars, but I can’t seem to get the fucking door open. I’m feeling desperate. Like if I can’t free her now, she’s doomed. She’s fading away, her little wings fraying, her glittery skin turning sallow, her eyes becoming sunken. Once in a while, she grabs the bars and shakes them furiously, screaming her frustration and I weep on the outside, knowing I have the key…somewhere.  But WHERE?!

I’ve been pouring over the internet searching for inspiration.  For a while, I found it here at S&S. I spent enormous amounts of time and had a blast building the blog, my twitter presence and even a facebook page. I’ve been delving deeper into the internet and the rabbit hole sucked me in. Eventually, my eyes lost the ability to focus in the real world, I had something like sun-blindness every time I turned away from the computer; and my brain, my poor brain, it started to hum, then rattle and finally it shuddered to a halt. I’d lost the spark. The artwork, the music, the other fantastic bloggers, didn’t get me in the mood for writing anymore. I almost shut down the computer. But like an addict, I kept at it, a burnout with glassy eyes and twitching fingers.  

I hit on a horoscope widget site. I don’t even remember how I got there, but it reminded me of how much fun I used to have with astrology and tarot cards, I even have my own tarot deck (where IS that?). I kept randomly surfing the net, like a rat foraging for food in the landfill. I ended up on Pinterest and saw an image of a beautiful “Moon” tarot card, and I thought, what if I tried to break through this malaise by writing flash fiction inspired by this card? What if I did this for all the cards? Hmn, that would be really hard. But maybe this is the key…but what if it takes away from working on my novel? But I haven’t been writing my novel...maybe this will help me create a habit of writing. Maybe this will help me break that damn cage. 

I really hope so, dead fairies make me sad.

PS: This is the long-winded introduction to my new page: Tarot Inspired Flash Fiction.
UPDATE: Sorry, guys, I've disabled the Flash Fiction page: to see the tarot inspired poetry I've written check out my wattpad page, it's all there. Thanks! 

Social Media: My Drill Sergeant

I've always been uncomfortably aware that I am not a very good self-taskmaster. If I'm accountable only to myself, nothing gets done. How many gym memberships have I purchased? How many craft projects have I taken on? How often have I joined Creative Writing classes? How much weight have I lost, how much hot glue do I have in my closet, unopened? How much written material do I have in my portfolio? Let's not go there. I'm just too forgiving of myself. 

Well, possibly, 'forgiving' is the wrong word. ;)

When I asked my BF to start yoga with me, we did it, for the entire duration of two programs! (And we're doing it again when I move back into town) When I asked her to make me email her my food diary every week, I lost weight! And now, it's Twitter and this blog, S&S. In the week since I first started Scribbles & Strikethroughs, (and started tweeting) I've written many thousands of words in a book that hasn't seen any productivity since Autumn.

It puts me in mind of a debate that took over my ethics philosophy course in college. What prevents a person from doing bad? What makes a person do good? The majority of the time, a person will decide against doing something he knows is wrong only when he fears getting caught. So too the person doing right; he will prefer to do so when he knows it will be acknowledged.  

We are each others' checks and balances. This is, of course, old news to anyone who's ever thought about it (sociologists). But social media is new. It's a wider pool of finger-pointers and back-clappers. And let me say, I intend to take advantage of your attention (I'm pretending you're out there reading this!). I hope you will give credit when I do good (write), and take me to task when I do bad (not writing). 

So thank you tweeters, and bloggers, and facebook frienders. Is it so bad to allow oneself to be held accountable to another, at least, until a new habit is firmly established?

No, really, I'm asking....